My Heart Aches

Last night, after posting my last post of the day, I completed my nightly ritual of walking through the house, making sure all the windows & doors were locked, lights turned out, toys & other "walking through the house in the middle of the night" hazards were removed between Sebastian's room and ours. And, my last & favorite thing to do, tuck in Sebastian. (Sometimes that entails picking him up out of the floor where he's been falling asleep.) I always make sure he's comfortable, on his pillow, blanket tucked in around him and I steal several kisses from my sleeping angel before I turn in for the night myself. Last night, though, I was feeling extra blessed. I've been keeping tabs on poor little Stellan in the hospital in SVT, fighting so hard for his precious life. It has, in the words of my best friend Sarah, "made me appreciate the little things in life so much more".

I'm a hugely sensitive, sentimental gal. My heart bleeds for pain and injustice - it's just my nature. So, last night, when I was tucking in my sweet sleeping angel, I sat beside him in his bed stroking his hands and hair, smothering him in kisses, I just fell apart. I'm so, so lucky to be able to watch my little boy - strong & healthy - sleeping soundly, without a worry in the world. I don't know how long I sat in his floor beside his bed, watching him, praying that he's always healthy & safe, praying that Stellan will get better and be able to grow & know a long happy life with his family who love him dearly, thankful for all the blessings in my life that I know I take for granted too often.

I just can't put into words what an inspiration MckMama is, being able to completely rely on her faith and His guidance to pull her through this trying time. It's an amazing confidence that I wish everyone had, that I wish had. I'll never stop praying for you Baby Stellan and for your Mama! We love you Sweet Stellan!!

**I love you, Lord! Please look after this precious baby and give his family the continuing wisdom to be able to accept Your plans, though we may not know what they are.

**I love you, Sebastian! My little boy, my heart, my world. You will never know what meaning you have brought to my life. I hope you always know happiness & love. Be caring, generous and thankful in your life and always know that I love you!!

**I love you, David! My husband, my friend, my other half. You've supported me in bad times and are an amazing father to our little boy. He loves you so much! That alone makes me the happiest wife in the world!

**I love you, Momma & Daddy! You've sacrificed so much in your lives to give us happiness. Kimberly, Stephanie & I are so thankful that you've been our rock. Always behind us, supporting us and encouraging us. We're so lucky to have you as parents!!

**I love you, Kimberly & Stephanie - my sisters, my friends. We may not always see eye to eye on things, but we're always there for each other. Always!! I love you so much. I love your babies, my nieces and nephews to the ends of the Earth. I would do anything for you & them! Love them always as I love Sebastian. Hold them, protect them & tell them they're your everything!!

**I love you, Sarah! My best friend, my 3rd sister! I don't know what to say...you're my support, my encouragement, my unwaivering truth. I know I can be myself, sometimes brash and rather blunt, but you can see past my inperfections and know that I love you. Ady, Ava & Kanon have become my other neices and nephew. I love them so much. You know that you can always count on me. I look forward to our friendship growing. It's been amazing that less than 3 short years ago we were meeting for the first time, doing what you do best, taking amazing pictures and now I rely on you for more than just photography!

Ok, well I must end this post now as I can't see my screen through tear-filled eyes. Today I'm going to love my son as hard as I can. Find patience where I ususally have none, find forgiveness where it's hard to find, find love in front of my eyes. I'm also going to try a Stellan name picture, although it won't be as amazing yours, Sarah. I LOVE it!!

PRAYING FOR STELLAN IN MISSOURI!!